Passive aggressive behavior is a general term for a variety of behaviors that express, in an indirect way, feelings of anger, resistance, disagreement, and dissatisfaction.
Passive aggressive behavior allows a person to express aggression, but not in a direct manner.
How does this appear in real life?
Imagine that you are dissatisfied with the way your manager behaves at work.
Most people would likely try to talk about it, look for effective solutions, and if unsuccessful, consider looking for another job.
A person who has adopted a passive aggressive behavior pattern will not express dissatisfaction directly.
Instead, they may begin arriving late to work, missing meetings where the manager is present, showing low motivation for work related tasks, and generally cooperating as little as possible.
Additional characteristics of passive aggressive behavior include the use of lies, cynicism and sarcasm, excuses and avoidance, and loud silence.
Passive aggressiveness is a behavior pattern that develops in some individuals during childhood, mainly in cases where family relationships did not allow direct expression of negative emotions.
A person who grows up feeling that there is no legitimacy to express anger, pain, or resistance finds indirect ways to express these feelings and learns to behave this way in other areas throughout life.
Additional factors found to be associated with passive aggressive behavior include low self confidence, difficulty accepting authority, dependency, anxiety, and critical tendencies.
Adopting a passive aggressive behavior pattern seemingly allows a person to express negative emotions indirectly without paying the emotional price for expressing them, such as anger from a manager or even dismissal.
In practice, passive aggressive behavior is perceived as negative and destructive by most people, and direct and reasoned expression of opposition is generally valued more.
As a result, this behavior pattern may harm the individual over time and leads to relationships with very little trust and emotional closeness.
Studies indicate that more men than women tend to adopt a passive aggressive behavior pattern within romantic relationships, and that this behavior has a heavy cost in terms of damage to intimacy and sense of security within the relationship.
Conflicts in such relationships are not truly resolved but only temporarily paused, while anger continues to accumulate and eventually turns into resentment and hostility, leaving little chance for a healthy partnership.
It is recommended to provide appropriate feedback to individuals who adopt passive aggressive behavior as a pattern.
The goal of feedback is to increase the person awareness of their behavioral choices and allow space for expressing emotions in a more authentic and effective way.
Providing such feedback is not simple, as individuals who behave in a passive aggressive manner tend to reject criticism, deny responsibility, and redirect the conversation toward the other party.
Nevertheless, it is important to continue expressing your position assertively and not to give up your needs within the relationship, whether it is a romantic relationship, friendship, or work relationship.
There is treatment available for this behavior.
Psychological therapy can greatly help individuals understand the deeper reasons behind adopting a passive aggressive pattern and the costs they pay for it.
Therapy can take place individually or within a couple and aims to help find alternative ways to express emotions directly and abandon the indirect and destructive approach previously adopted.